My Guilty Pleasure

So, I don’t know why I feel compelled to write this blog. But, somehow, I just want to share these little gems with the rest of the world (or at least the few people who actually read this rubbish I write a few times a month!). This is one of my guilty pleasures that, I’m sorry to say, I am horrifyingly embarrassed of. And, honestly, I can’t believe I am willing to actually admit to it. But, this was just too good to be ignored.

Yes, it’s the Hills. MTV’s little follow-the-snobby-rich-girl-around-LA a.k.a. totally-scripted-“reality”-show about self-absorbed jerk faces, pretty much. At first, when we still had cable, I flipped past it, thinking, if I actually spent time watching it, my brain cells would be involuntary sucked from my body. But then, one day when nothing else was on, I allowed myself to watch it just for kicks. (Who needs brain cells anyway? OMG, they are so over-rated, just ask LC!) And kicks I did get, so many that I almost became hooked. I say almost because I only waste my time about three times a year when I can watch a bunch of episodes in a row on the internet and roll with laughter. And trust me, the threat of becoming stupider by watching the Hills is so worth the risk in my book. Let me prove it to you.

Featured in the first half of the new season are these little doozies:

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SCENE 1: Lauren and Lo go to Fashion school together. Lauren is telling Lo about her new date that night.

Lauren: He’s a baseball player, but he’s injured right now.

Lo (Yes, her name is “Lo” because you can’t have two Laurens! Duh!): He’s an athlete? Oh my gosh, I love athletes!

Lauren: I know, right? *big smile*

Lo: Athletes are the best! *sits back with a satisfied look on face, after making such profound statement*
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SCENE 2: Spencer and Heidi have a feud with “LC” and the other Lauren-ites, which his sister (his own sister, OMG!) has presumed to make friends with. Spencer is angry because she has no family loyalty and insists that she’s “jumped ships,” which offense would mean he has to officially disown her. To illustrate his point, Spencer makes an emphatic statement…

Spencer: It’s like trying to tell Iran and Israel to get along! It’s not happening!

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SCENE 3: Stephanie now lives alone, since Spencer moved off of her couch, after repeated complaints from Stephanie that he was a moocher and she wanted him out. (There’s no telling who occupied said couch before he moved in, but she’s lonely all the same. She doesn’t concern herself with contradictions.)

Stephanie: I talk to the hamster a lot.

Lauren: I thought you had a guinea pig.

Stephanie: Hamster… guinea pig… whatever.

Lauren: Guinea pigs are like this big. *makes gesture with hands* And hamsters are like that big. *makes smaller gesture*

Stephanie: She used to be a hamster, and now she’s a guinea pig.

*Lauren scratches her head and squints.*

(I would add: Finally light bulb goes off. OH! Hamsters grow up to be guinea pigs! Mystery solved.)
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The on-going feud between the “Speidi” and the LC group really is the major force of the show, and never disappoints in entertainment, although, I must say that it’s starting to get old. Each group likes to gossip about the other, and it’s always funny to watch the exasperated looks get more and more exasperated. Recently, Stephanie (the one who’s trying to straddle the fence, so to speak) had a birthday party where Heidi and Spencer showed up. Yes, the brother of the girl having a birthday came to the party with his girlfriend, who just happens to be Lauren’s arch enemy. Everyone in the room gaped, dropping their jaws The Ring-style. Such a huge shocker! Sigh . . . her life is so hard.

Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed this embarrassing revelation into my free time. If it got a few laughs, I’d say it’s worth it. Hopefully you don’t think me too shallow.